


Escape Plan

by josiepug



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-20
Updated: 2013-10-20
Packaged: 2017-12-30 00:15:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1011743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/josiepug/pseuds/josiepug
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean, Sam, and Cas are being chased by Abaddon's minions with only one chance of escape. They have to steal some Segways!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Escape Plan

**Author's Note:**

> This is so totally cracky that I can't believe myself. Inspired by a conversation with a friend and my own Segwaying mishap (it involved hydroplaning and a leap of faith). Hope you guys enjoy it!

“Seriously, dude?” Dean turned to Cas with a look of outraged horror on his face. “No way, man. No fucking way am I riding on a Segway. I’m a hunter, not a fucking tourist!”  
“Dean,” Cas sighed, the picture of heavenly exasperation. “Abaddon’s forces are not far behind us. We have very little time, and the Impala would never make it down those trails. We must use our resources, right Sam?”  
“Um…yeah. I’ll just…uh…get the lock then,” Sam approached the door to Steve’s Segways, glancing distrustfully at the machines in the window. The things he did for the family business.  
A few moments later they were stepping into the dark store, finding their Segways of choice. Dean gave his a prod, muttering obscenities as he attempted to turn it on while Sam tried in vain to get the handles high enough. Cas, on the other hand, had already started his own and moved on to help Dean, displaying surprising competence.  
As Cas showed Dean the power button, the hunter grumbled, “And how the hell do you know how to work this thing anyway?”   
“Dean, you need to step on it, and stand straight. Lean forward to move and backwards to stop. And this is one of my father’s creations, of course I understand it,”  
Dean spluttered, leaning forward and almost crashing into a wall. “Oh SHIT…What?! You’re saying God invented Segways?” He laughed, clearly imagining God trolling around heaven on two wheels. “That’s priceless…I—“  
His merriment was cut short by a distant scream. The demons were on their way.  
“Sam. Dean. We must leave now!”  
With no time to practice, Sam and Dean gunned it forward, shooting out the door faster than was strictly safe, Cas following as if he’d been doing this all his life.  
“SON OF A BITCH OH SHIT OH FUCK OH WAAAAHOOOO!” Dean shot down the woodland trail, his terror turning into elation as he sped along the path. “SCRATCH WHAT I SAID EARLIER, CAS. I COULD GET USED TO THIS!” Cas smiled for a moment, but then his attention was turned back to Sam, who wasn’t having nearly as much success.  
“Cas! Why don’t they make these things any taller?” Sam was bent nearly double, his hair falling in front of his face as he struggled to gain control of the machine.  
“Well, Sam. Since the average height—“  
“CAS THAT WAS RHETORICAL HOW DO I CONTROL THIS THING OH SHIT!” At that moment, one of Sam’s notoriously long locks flew into his eyes, obscuring his vision completely. ‘’I’M GONNA CRASH!!!”   
And with that prescient statement, Sam careened into a tree, landing on the ground with a dull thump. Cas immediately stopped his own Segway with considerably more grace, and stepped off to help Sam.  
“Goddammit, Cas,” Sam blinked up groggily at the angel. “I miss your angel mojo. Zapping was nice…”  
“Sam, you need to get up,” Cas said, shaking his shoulder gently. “I’m afraid that Abaddon’s soldiers are here,” Sam turned his head just in time to see three demons running at them, black eyes gleaming with hate.  
“Uggggghh,” Sam groaned, pulling out his knife. “I’ve got this,”  
The fight was short but bloody. For the demons at least. Five minutes later, Sam and Cas were standing next to three bodies, and Sam’s bitchface was firmly in place.  
“Dude, there were only three of them? I thought we were out-um-wheeling an army,”  
Cas just shrugged.  
“Oh, and where the hell is Dean? Is he still riding that fucking thing? We better go get him or the Impala will think he’s cheating on her,”


End file.
